it's what I want to share

i drank too much wine alone…

so my best friend mentioned tonight that she saw my ex boyfriend at a walgreens with a fat blonde girl. while it made me laugh I became curious and started snooping around after drinking a whole bottle of wine by myself. well im pretty sure I just found out my ex boyfriend is dating a fat fat fat stupid blonde girl who goes to beauty school. winner!! i am sooo glad I found my way out of that when I did. I have found myself a wonderful, supportive, confident, successful man that i would not trade anyone for! thank you jesus, for putting me through a heartbreak so I could recognize real love when I found it. and a big double thank you for getting me out of something that was obviously a dead end if he thinks what he has now is “quality” and “real woman” yea i can tell you she’s real fat and real ugly. goodluck with that you dick!! 

Rant Blog - Long Distance

i’ve been in a couple long distance relationships that seemed difficult at the time but never in my life did I think I could miss someone as much as I miss Jared. It hasnt even been a full month since he moved away to Utah and its been horrible. I dont even want to be sad but it seems that no matter what I do and how happy I am to talk to him that after we say goodbye every night I cry at least for 5 minutes. I feel like a huge part of me is missing, not some little piece to make me feel complete crap. No a giant fucking hole is missing from me. I never sleep fully and I want to have that peace of mind when i fall asleep with his arms wrapped around me. these next 6 months of me being stuck here will be the hardest ones for me to come to grips with and to try and pretend to be happy. I just want my best friend with me so i can feel some real happiness

That awkward moment when you are 100% positive your boyfriend is in love with his married best girl friend. #mylife

I admit I bottle up things that bother me because I like to avoid confrontation and conflict. This leads to people unknowingly walking all over my emotions. I have currently been suppressing the need to talk to my roommate because I feel like she has been shutting me out of every part of her life. She shares no details of her day willingly and seems to take no interest in anything I’ve been doing. I felt this was partially due to my sister staying with us and her having a schedule more similar to my roommates. Then today I noticed that in the fridge things were labled with my roommates initials, this I could understand with 3 girls living in the same house. The reason I even bring it up is I don’t understand the reason for it due to the fact that my sister has moved out, the things labled I would never use, and the strange fact that I haven’t bought groceries in about a month since there has been no space for me to store them. I don’t know how to confront this situation without appearing hostile or weak. Any ideas of how to approach this? I don’t want to create a hostile living environment especially since my roommate will leave in December and when she moved into the house she and I were quite good friends. Since then I have seen changes :(

because eating pasta every night didn’t shed the pounds

so i come home today to find that the roommate has traded in her desk chair for a damn exercise ball. if she were a naturally fit person then i could understand this purchase, however i say to the roommate who eats two bowls of pasta every night for dinner…”You are a fool, and you are not fooling anyone!” 

also i appreciate the laughter and fun you appear to be having in the kitchen with MY sister’s soon to be boyfriend even though you have not hardly spoken to me in the past 3 days. wtf?? im sorry who is your friend that has known you for over 3 years now and lived with you for 2?? oh that was me, the person you have decided to not talk to!! thanks for the vote of confidence in everything.

work work work so we can play play play

im excited for this short week of work to fly by so i can get my happy butt in the car and be headed to austin friday for a weekend of fun with friends, my favorite man, new adventures and some anniversary celebration time!!! however with all this fun planned i must keep my mind on work before i escape into mini vacation time!! yet with all this going on its going to be very difficult to feel happy at home if this “mope around, im so sad, i dont talk to anyone but i watch friends re-runs on my tv all the time” attitude continues from the roomie. I thought things were on the up and up but this past weekend i have been shut out from her for no reason known to me! i need someone to snap her back to happy land so we can have a pleasurable week together before i leave!

weird dreams

why did i dream about a surprise wedding that my family was invited to but his wasn’t? why in my dream did i wear my wedding ring on the wrong hand? why did we keep running around this giant house that i kept calling a cruise ship?? my brain is super weird…

however i did love dreaming about the most amazing guy in my life. i just wish it could have been normal!! damn my weird mind!!

cant catch a damn break

im sorry i have a boyfriend who wants to spend time with me and makes me happy and enjoys being with me even if we are sitting around watching tv. i have tried to include you as much as i can with other things. but to walk into my own damn house and be confronted like some sort of child is just pushing me to my breaking point. i am 22 years old and i can make my own decisions. dont yell at me for not spending any time with you and then leave with my friends. that sure as hell screams hypocrite if anything in this world does. i love you, for many many reasons other than the fact that you are my sister but right now i really wish you would get the hell out of my shit and act like a sister, not a mother, friend or anything other that someone who supports me. you should know more than anyone that i get hot headed and i get a little hung up on things so i expect you to understand it when it happens but to have you throwing the first stones hurts more than anything. go shove yourself up my friends asses and see where they leave you, high and fucking dry just like they’ve left me. you havent even been here to know what its like. you hear the one sided things from krista and you act like you know the whole story. but you havent even paused to see my side and when i try to tell it to you im slapped in the face with all the things krista has told you. i just expected you of all people to understand and instead you leave my high and dry with nothing.

AHHHHHHH HOLY AHHHHHHH

that moment where your best friend who lives in boston calls you and asks you whats up and you say nothing, whats up with you and then before she can answer you know with all your body she is engaged and then she says it and you scream your face off….

yea that just happened!!! oh my god!! soooo excited!! might have a heart attack from excitement or pass out from the lack of oxygen to my brain from screaming and trying to breathe but not being able to!!!

YAAAAAAYYY!!!!!!!!

dear long lost blog

i am sorry to have abandoned you for so long. but i must not be sorry for the reason as to why you have sat lonely in the corner for weeks. i have found myself falling in love. falling into a love so real and true that words are not enough to describe the changes i feel in myself when i am around him or even when i am thinking about him. I have let many things fall to the wayside because i am so infatuated with how happy my life can be. I want to scream poetic words from a rooftop so all the world can know my happiness but i can’t stop smiling long enough to catch a breath big enough. I love Jared Thomas Reed.

it doesn’t matter…

nothing matters if the world is ending or if it just began

tonight i realize more than 2000% i am 100 and totally ready to spend the rest of my life with Jared Thomas Reed!! He is the person i am destine to be with and nothing in other peoples destinies can change that. he understands me more than anyone else can and he is 100% my soul mate! I love you and you will never change my mind. I love you forever and always, and even after that!!!